Christian Counseling - Fit to Stand Trial

Many people have been watching and/or following the murder trial of Casey Anthony, who is accused of taking the life of her 2-year-old daughter. Recently a question came up during the trial regarding her seemingly erratic behavior. It seemed to concern the defense enough that they had Ms. Anthony examined to determine whether she was fit to stand trial. While some may believe that this was some type of ploy by the defense to gain a mistrial, the concept of fitness for trial is an important one to consider.

In order to be fit to stand trial, the defendant has to be found to be physically, cognitively, and psychologically able. What this means is that they must be able to:

1. understand the nature of the charges against them.
2. understand the possible consequences they face.
3. participate and communicate effectively with counsel in their defense.

For example, a person who is in a coma would be unfit to stand trial. As a result, they would not be tried until which time they were physically able to face the charges against them. Someone who is cognitively disabled may be determined to be unfit to stand trial due to cognitive limitations that would keep them from meeting the three standards discussed above. Finally, someone may also be determined to be psychologically disabled (i.e. suffering from certain symptoms of schizophrenia) to the point that they also would not meet the criteria outlined above. It was fears of psychologically disability that prompted the evaluation of Casey Anthony last weekend. She was determined by several mental health professionals to be competent to stand trial. As a result, the trial continued.

Christian Counseling - Pleasure Seeking--Healthy or Unhealthy?

A primary human motivation is pleasure seeking. But how should we think about pleasure? Is pleasure seeking ever healthy or is it only unhealthy? How do we describe the difference between the two?

St. Augustine, a well-recognized theologian and philospher of the 4th and 5th centries, wrote to his close friend, Nebridius, that a person should resist with all his or her might the senses and the pleasure that eminates from them. How's that for a buzzkill, or is he right?

Let me confuse the issue a little with two quotes from the Bible:

1. If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world, why, as if you were living in the world, do you submit yourself to decrees, such as, '"Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!" (which all refer to things destined to perish with use)--in accordance with the commandments and teaching of men? These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence (Colossians 2:20-23).

2. Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone [or something] as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of [possibly addicted to] the one whom you obey ..." (Romans 6:16).

How would you answer the questions at the end of the first paragraph?

Christian Counseling - A Note on the Passing of Clarence Clemons

Clarence "the Big Man" Clemons passed away this weekend from complications of a stroke suffered a week earlier. Many of the younger generation have been more moved by the passing of Ryan Dunn of "Jackass" fame than by the loss of Clemons. However, for many of my generation, the death of Clemons represents a significant loss.

For those who enjoy the music of Bruce Springsteen, the experience of being a fan is only in part the enjoyment of the music. The live marathon concert is what made Springsteen famous. His 4 hour shows often felt like a Rock and Roll revival that left fans exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. As time has passed, and Springsteen has aged as we all have, the length of his concerts has moved from 4 to close to 3 hours. One of the unkindest parts of aging is dealing with decline and loss. For Springsteen fans, many who have seen him upwards of 40 times in concert (I've only seen him 13 times), the loss of Clemons will fundamentally alter their experience of a Springsteen concert.

The loss of Clemons represents something deeper than just the present experience of Bruce Springsteen and his music. The loss of Clemons represents a loss of youth. Rock and Roll, the music we grow up with, and Bruce Springsteen in particular all represent freedom, youth, and the possibilities of life. That is why, while people may still enjoy new music, there is nothing quite like the music of our youth. You see, it is not only the music itself that touches us, but the context in which we first hear the music. Now, death brings sadness to our memories of youth. The passion of Clemon's saxophone is tinged with grief.

Some will have difficulty listening to Springsteen's music in the future knowing that the "Big Man" has been silenced. We can never recapture our youth. However, as we embrace that loss is a part of life, we can cherish the memories of our past, take what was best from our youth, and move on to face the challenges of the future.

So, the loss of the "Big Man" is similar to many losses that we will need to grieve in life. As with other losses, grief is not something that can be avoided. We either deal with grief or it deals with us. Grief is multifaceted. It is not one size fits all. The death of Clarence Clemons may represent a loss of youth, while the death of Ryan Dunn may represent, for a younger generation, the loss of the personal fable of invulnerability. As with many things, the what is not as important as the why. We need not judge what we are grieving. Instead, we need to understand why we are grieving. By doing this, we can begin the process of healing and moving forward.

Christian Counseling - Placebo and Nocebo

The Latin meanings for placebo and nocebo are "I will please" and "I will harm," respectively. Numerous studies have shown the significant impact of a placebo (such as a simple sugar pill) which positively effects about 25% of subjects in reducing pain, anxiety, depression, etc.; that is, whatever the person believes will happen.

Similarly, nocebo negatively impacts about 23% of subjects who experience side effects from again, something as benign as a sugar pill. How does the body respond in these ways to a little sugar? Well, I am not sure about the degree to which the body does respond. Measuring physical responses is for future research. What is clear is the mind responds, which is connected to the body. What the mind believes can be the body's reality. Sometimes the body instructs the mind about what it is experiencing and sometimes the mind instructs the body. For example, a person has a night dream of falling, he wakes up fearful and trembling with a heart racing, but on thinking it is only a dream, the negative symptoms come to an end.

The mind is very powerful. Placebo and nocebo could be understood as faith factors. It means that a person has faith in a pill to help or harm, as with any medical procedure, prayer, counselor, book, etc. Faith and outcome are related. It is, therefore, imperative to cultivate a positive outlook and be cautious about engaging in something where doubt and other negative feelings or thoughts exist. In the latter situation, it is important to address one's questions, concerns, fears and uncertainties with others before moving forward in a relationship or with a procedure. For example, in counseling it may seem easier to avoid dealing with a conflict or problem that crops up between a client and therapist. But if faith in treatment and/or the therapist is disturbed, to whatever degree, it is best to work it out with the therapist before a nocebo effect takes place, which can lead to resistance, an impasse or a premature termination. Sometimes, people begin counseling with questions or doubts about whether the process will help or hurt or both. These thoughts should be discussed at the outset of treatment because they can affect its outcome.

Christian Counseling - The Sexualization of Children

I have attached a link to a Fox story about 12-year-old students in Massachusetts who were "forced" (without parental consent) to take a very graphic survey regarding sexuality and sexual behavior. The survey was part of grant-funded research. Let me know what you think:

1. At what age (if ever) do you think it is appropriate to have children be asked about their sexual practices?

2. At what age should children be allowed to participate in activities without direct parental consent?

3. What role (if any) should the public school system play in the collection of data for research?

These are important questions to consider as we move forward. In addition, schools, who are looking for new financial streams, may be more inclined going forward to accept grant money, company sponsorship of sports programs (i.e. Nike), or corporate involvement in providing food (i.e. Taco Bell). Do you think these are valid ways for the schools to replace money lost from the slowing economy? What are the dangers, if any, of accepting this type of support? Again, let me know what you think.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/06/15/school-surveys-7th-graders-on-oral-sex/?test=latestnews

Christian Counseling - Monitoring Your Children

Below you will find an interesting link to an article regarding spying on your children. My view is that parents should monitor their children's behavior, both online and off. However, this monitoring should not be a substitute for a relationship with your child. In addition, while there may be no expectation of privacy on the Internet and cell phone as information there can be accessed by others, I believe that a child's diary is off limits. A diary is something that is not intended for others to read. It is intended for the child to process their own internal thoughts and feelings.


http://www.yourmindyourbody.org/should-parents-spy-on-their-children-or-teens/

Christian Counseling - Men and Father Hunger

Robert Bly is an author and speaker and has been called the secular father of the men's movement in America. He eloquently stated all men are wounded by their fathers (often because they were emotionally distant or absent) that created a hole in their son's hearts, which they attempted to fill with demons (achievement, substance abuse, power, etc.).

Numerous books, articles and the Promise Keepers movement have highlighted the need for men to grow in awareness of the father wound that leaves men vulnerable to developing a profound father hunger--the need for closeness with and guidance and affirmation from their fathers. Many I have counseled over the years initially had little recognition of the impact of their uninvolved father. Yet, in time, with self-understanding, most discovered their woundedness and father hunger. They then sought to meet that need.

God is a fairly good and certainly needed substitute for the lack of an earthly father, but that relationship lacks the physical arms and presence of a man as a role model, as well as the ability to have immediate and direct conversation. This leads men to develop relationships with other men to satisfy the hunger, especially if their fathers remain unavailable. But developing ties with other men is tricky.

All men need close male connections for many reasons, one of which is that a woman cannot help a man be a man or teach him about what it means to be masculine, only a man can do that. Despite their need for male connection, men are pulled in the opposite direction--to keep the learned distance. Part of the problem is that men feel competitive with other men and want to maintain an image that is strong, fearless and self-sufficient, all of which limits or even prevents connection and the ultimate healing that came come from those needed male relationships. It is a significant dilemma, but one that can be overcome.

What men need is a community of men where they are safe, accepted and free to express themselves in all honesty and openness. The growth in this type of men's group reaches it apex when their communication is centered exclusively on living the Christian life with one another and developing those relationships. In this vain, books, bible study topics and work tasks (which have their place, in other groups) are seriously limited or not permitted because they often lead to logical interaction and hamper personal revelation and emotional connection. This type of group is rare. It is also scary at first, until the awkwardness subsides and authenticity of relationships finds a foothold.

From personal experience, there is no church group for men that is better than this type--male to male, open communication. An experience of this kind gives clarity to what David meant and felt about Jonathan after his death in 2 Samuel 1:26, "I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; you have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was more wonderful than the love of women."

Christian Counseling - Politicians Behaving Badly

Another week... another scandal. It seems we cannot open our newspapers without seeing another politician fall. First, Arnold Schwarzenegger, then John Edwards, and then Anthony Weiner. Each accused of using their power in inappropriate ways. Many people have asked me the question, "If these politicians are so smart, how is it that they seem so stupid?" Another way of looking at this is how did they think that they would not get caught?

There are many possible explanations for these issues. I will focus on one possible explanation that would not be unique or specific to the men mentioned above. There are personality traits that are often associated with people who pick certain careers. Politicians often score high on scales of narcissism and sociopathy. People who score high on narcissism and sociopathy typically lack empathy for others. In addition, there is a tendency toward manipulative behavior associated with narcissism and sociopathy.

Lack of empathy and manipulative behavior has often been associated with career politicians. However, this does not explain the risky behavior that some politicians display. One explanation for this is the idea of homeostasis. Our personalities, like our body temperature, seek level ground. When we get too hot, we sweat, which serves to cool our body to a natural set point (typically 98.6). Well, we also have a set point for arousal. Some people have a higher set point for arousal than others. The set point for arousal of those with narcissistic or sociopathic traits is often significantly higher than others. What this means is that a "normal" family or sex life does not help them reach their natural set point. As a result, they feel a need to engage in more arousing activities to reach that set point. For some people, this results in engaging in risky sexual behavior.

Finally, like with drug abuse, as they engage in riskier sexual behavior, they get used to, or become habituated to the sexual behavior and need to increase the behavior either in terms of frequency or severity to reach the previous level of arousal. This increase in the behavior sometimes results in the person being "found out".

The above answer represents only one possible answer as to why some people, not just politicians, engage in this type of sexual behavior. It is not meant to excuse behavior. Rather, the above serves as one possible explanation for certain behaviors.

Christian Counselng - A Vitamin for Depression

I have attached a link to an article regarding a vitamin linked to Depression. As with all new research, this should be looked at carefully. However, if the findings can be replicated, then this would represent another weapon in the fight against depression.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/06/02/vitamin-that-fights-depression/

Christian Counseling: Pleasure Seeking Christians: An Oxymoron?

It may sound self-centered to think about directly seeking pleasure, especially if you are a Christian who practices dying to self and living for God and others. Whether or not to look for pleasure appears somewhat confusing to quite a few Christians and, at the extreme end, can result in hedonophobia - fear of pleasure. This fear often encompasses feelings of guilt, unworthiness and excessive concern over offending God that prevents a person from receiving any pleasure or feeling badly when he or she does.

All of us seek pleasure! We find pleasure in products that are better tasting (toothpaste, cereal and beverage), better looking (shirt, car and house), in reading materials that excite us, work that satisfies, a church group that brings us joy, TV shows that entertain, friends who make us feel good, etc.

Scripture has a fair amount to say about the ills of pleasure, but without the full context, one is likely to conclude experiencing and seeking pleasure only results in displeasing God.  For example, Hebrews 11:25 refers to the "passing pleasures of sin," 2 Timothy 3:4 warns us about being "...lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God" and Proverbs 21:17 says, "He who loves pleasure will become poor." Initially, it seems clear, "Avoid the sin of pleasure." But that is throwing out the baby with the bath water. The implication in the latter verse is not about the wrong in loving pleasure, but loving pleasure more than God or others, which is exemplified in Jesus asking Peter, "...do you love Me more than these?" (John 21:15). From what sources are we looking for pleasure? There are ones that are good and bad. Are we bypassing all righteous sacrifices?

The truth is that God is at work in us "for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13). Psalm 16:11 tells us that "eternal pleasures are at His right hand." The streets of the New Jerusalem in Revelation 21:21will be paved in gold (pleasure in seeing). In Greek and Hebrew pleasure refers to satisfaction or delight, as is the case in Luke 10:21 where we find God takes pleasure in His decisions--"...this way was well-pleasing in Your sight" (hiding things from the wise and revealing them to infants).

As are most things in scripture, balance is the name of the game. Philippians 2:4 says we are to seek to please God and others more than ourselves, but embedded in that statement is the truth that it is okay to seek our own pleasure. Are you avoiding seeking pleasure in some things that are good or neutral? You may have good reason not to, but are you clear on why you have not?