Christian Counseling - Is There An Upside To Anger?

Have you ever hear someone say that anger is good, useful, necessary and a sign of maturity? If you have you know that is rare, and you may have questioned their IQ level or biblical knowledge. Seemingly, the universal Christian message is that anger is a sign of immaturity and loss of self-control and something to be withheld and repented of.

Most accept the existence of righteous anger, but the majority act as if that anger should be the exclusive possession of God, as only He can feel it and express it appropriately. In discussions, writings, and presentations on forgiveness, anger is touted as something that is only harmful and forgiveness the righteous, only and necessary path to healing (there are two sides to that issue, but that's for another time, or you can visit our website and find the article: Theologies That Wound: A Study of Biblical Forgiveness). 

The most common Christian responses to anger (in oneself or others) are to vent and repent or see how quickly one can rid himself of the disease or temptation. It can readily create feelings of mild anxiety or fear to feelings of dread and, occasionally, terror (when one is traumatized by anger or rage). If a person, in response to anger, experiences a persistent and excessive fear or anxiety and exhibits avoidance behaviors, all of which interfere with one's normal routine, it is likely this person has an anger phobia. More specifically, it is has been called angophobia and cholerophobia.

Anger, as most anything, can be used to help or destroy. Without question, it is powerful and needs to be respected. You may ask, "How can anger be of help, useful or good?" Biblically, anger is not condemned, it is cautioned. It does not say or even imply that righteous anger belongs only to God. Going beyond or a step up from anger, scripture says hatred is a characteristic of spiritual maturity, "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverted mouth, I hate" (Proverbs 8:13) and King David wrote, "Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord?. . . I hate them with the utmost hatred" (Psalm 139:21,22). The Bible says we are not to seek vengeance directly, but we can feel it, own it, want it and ask for it (Psalm 109; Jeremiah 18:19-23; and Revelation 6:10), without it eating up a person.

Anger is useful in protecting ourselves and others, in defending our constitutional and God-given rights, in setting relational boundaries and motivating us to actions that are necessary and righteous.

Together, the Bible and psychological research join in pointing out strong anger that is internalized and unexpressed in any form is as physically and emotionally [and spiritually] damaging as explosive anger. Both sources highlight the moderate expression of anger as being optimal, which means some amount of anger is not detrimental to us, but can be good, useful, necessary and healthy. 


 

Christian Counseling - Grumbling, Complaining and Murmuring

Anyone who has attempted to gain a deeper understand of the Bible's message about grumbling, complaining and murmuring is, at first, confused. As most all biblical issues, it is not a simple and easy thing to grasp. It is impossible to determine its meaning from a single verse. To further complicate the issue, there are numerous Hebrew and Greek words for this behavior.

For example, 1 Corinthians 10:10 (NASB) says, "Nor grumble, as some of them did [Hebrews in the wilderness], and were destroyed by the destroyer." If we took it at face value without any question or searching, we would think no one should ever say a cross word to anyone about anything. It would mean we should not criticize others, hold them accountable, or challenge or question them. This would leave us suppressing all our negative thoughts and feelings and omitting any critical word from our prayers. But scripture says God encouraged Jonah to talk about his being angry with Him for offering salvation to the Ninevites and David in Psalm 109 not only complains, but seeks God's vengeance for a friend's offence. We also find Habakkuk questioning God's actions and Jeremiah complaining about the Jews and about God for deceiving him. So what is the truth about grumbling, complaining and murmuring?

I can tell you what I believe. Understanding the Hebrew and Greek definitions of those three words strongly suggest there is a difference between right and wrong complaining. It seems it is not just about the words we choose, but the motive of the heart and the attitude we take when complaining. The wrong use of complaining seems to center around one or more of these evil things:

1. A malicious intent on harming or destroying someone.
2. Distorting truth for one's own purpose.
3. Disbelief.
4. Angry blaming.
5. Spreading doubt or strife.  
6. "Being" a complainer - having a personality characteristic of perpetually complaining.

God will never reject or chastise us for our questions, complaints or grumblings, if we have a heart that is seeking the truth, open to new ideas and avoiding evil in all its varied forms. Since He knows what is already in us, we must speak the truth to Him and be willing to confront those who offend us.

Here are a few of the verses from which I formed my conclusions: Exodus 15:24; Numbers 14:2; Deuteronomy 1:27; Psalm 55:17; 109; Jeremiah 20:7; Habakkuk 1:1-17; Mark 14:5; Luke 5:30; John 6:4; 7:32; Acts 6:1; 1 Corinthians 10:10; and James 5:9. 

Christian Counseling - Psychoneuroimmunology

Psychoneuroimmunology is the study of the relationship between behavior, the central nervous system and the immune system and health. Like any other modern branch of research, it is in its infancy. Yet, when multiple studies reveal similar results, we can have more confidence in the outcome.  Here is some of the latest news of interest.


COLDS:

-  Colds are transmitted and brought on more effectively in people with fewer types of good relationships, who exhibit poor stress responses and are depressed.

CANCER:

- In animal studies, stress accelerates tumor growth and metastasis.
- Group therapy lengthens the life of victims of breast cancer and melanoma.
- Socially isolated cancer victims have a much worse course.
- The fewer calories eaten the fewer tumors one gets.
- Fat (not from fish or vegetable oils) increases cancer, i.e. colon, and suppresses the immune system.

HERPES:

- Recurrences are associated with passive coping styles (drinking or sleeping more), which are related to depression.

DEPRESSION & GRIEF:

- Bereavement predicts worse immune responses.
- Cultivating positive thoughts and responses to the loss of a loved one is good for the immune system.
- Depression has been repeatedly shown to suppress the immune system and enhance disease progression. As depression rises so do the number of illnesses.


Here is a short list of things one can do to boost the immune system and increase health:

- Don't overdose on vitamins. They should always be taken in moderation and not exceed recommended dosages with the exception of "C" which can be taken in large doses without any known negative effect. Increasing recommended dosages is related to immunosuppression, unless it is only done so for a couple of days, i.e., zinc for a cold.
- Maintain a diet of low bad fat and sugar.
- Be sure to keep your Body Mass Index (BMI) below 30 (visit http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/ to calculate).
- Quit smoking.
- Get a massage.
- Learn to meditate and take up moderate exercise through Yoga, Qigong, etc.
- Get treatment for depression.
- Learn to relax.
- Manage stress, which is your response to external stressors.
- Develop open and supportive relationships with family, friends and your church.
- And keep on praying, as it positively affects the immune system.


Information taken from the seminar: "The Immune System: The Mind-Body Connection: Who Gets Sick and Who Stays Well" presented by Steven Keller, Ph.D. on March 11, 2011and sponsored by the Institute for Brain Potential. 

Christian Counseling - Feeling Alive

There is an interesting exercise that I encourage people to do from time to time. What you do is look at how you are spending your day each day and ask yourself a simple question. Does what you are doing right now make you feel alive or dead inside? After evaluating your activity for a few days, you can then get a better picture of yourself in terms of how much time you are spending doing things that make you feel alive. If you find yourself spending the majority of time in activities that make you feel dead inside, you need to ask yourself, "why?". Of course there are things that we do for work, family, etc. that we are not excited about. However, if the majority of your time is spent in these pursuits, then you need to examine this more fully. The things that make us feel alive are often the areas that God has blessed in our lives. These areas do not have to be grandiose. They are not always of high spiritual significance. As the great runner and Olympian Eric Liddell was quoted as saying, "I believe that God made me for China, but He also made me fast, and, when I run, I feel His pleasure."

Christian Counseling - Drug Addiction or Mental Illness?

Once again into the breach... Much has been written recently about a certain actor's struggles. In the discussion about him, many commentators are discussing whether he is drug addicted or mentally ill. The idea of it being one or the other represents a common misperception.

Drug treatment in the past was focused solely on the drug addiction. Rehabilitation and other forms of treatment dealt with the addiction problem as being the main problem for the individual. However, research has come to show that for people with drug issues, the drug addiction is often only part of the problem. It has been found that drug addiction often presents along with and often as a means of coping with another mental illness. This comorbidity was often left untreated. As a result, many who received drug treatment would fall back into a pattern of addiction once the treatment was completed. One reason for this is that the central issue may have been one of a comorbid mental illness (depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, anxiety, etc.). This does not mean that the mental health issue is the most emergent problem. Sometimes, the drug addiction is the most immediately serious. However, from this point of view, treating the drug addiction without treating the underlying disorder(s), often leads to a recurrent problem with drugs. The main reason for this would be that, as was stated above, the drug addiction has been used as a means of coping with the mental illness. If you take away the drug that has been used to help the person cope, the chances are they will return to the drug again as the core problem has not been addressed.

When the going gets tough, we all run home to mama. Mama can be our actual mother, or it can be food, or gambling, or cocaine. We need to treat the whole person, not just the addiction. The next time you hear the argument that a problem is either an addiction or another disorder, remember that it is likely both.

Christian Counseling - The Relationship Between Trappings and Treadmills

I grew up hearing the idiom, "Keeping up with the Joneses." It refers to people who keep in line with their neighbor's standard of living--he buys a new car, I buy a new car. I was wondering if this phrase was created by ad men hired by bankers or credit card companies to promote borrowing. It turns out its origin is likely connected to the long-running, early 1900's, newspaper cartoon by the same title.

Anyway, those purchased items are the trappings (the outward signs) of success or they may be superfical trappings in that they are rented or owned by financial lending companies. In the latter case, the shallow trappings require a person to work hard and perhaps take a second job to keep them and the socio-economic image they create.

The time and energy devoted to buying and maintaining the trappings can easily lead a person to feel he or she is living on a treadmill (a situation that is boring, tiring or unpleasant and from which it is hard to escape). Day in and day out and year after year, a person gets up, goes to work, returns home, eats, does chores, rests a little and goes to bed. Treadmills are mind-numbing and render life joyless and unexciting.

If you are unhappy in your job, marriage, church, etc. consider the idea that it may be the result of maintaining trappings. A person may intensely dislike his job, but the prestige or big bucks may be too hard to give up. A couple presents themselves as a loving and adoring twosome, but do not live it when they are home alone. Finally, a woman may not be spiritually growing in her church, but fears what others would think if she left?

We are all image bearers of one kind or another. What kind of image bearer are you? Do you primarily model being content with what you have or is it more important to be seen as attaining socio-economic success, and at what cost?

Christian Counseling - Ascend Into Desent

When is giving assent to ascend into descent a spirited aspiration? When you want to fundamentally change who you are or become like Jesus! For some, the descent (psychological decline into a specific undesirable state) is the opposite direction they wish to travel. They may perceive growth as only a move upward and never downward. But lasting change requires a foundation of self-analysis and insight before embarking on the sturdy path of improvement. Knowing oneself includes a descent into one's sin nature and the wounds of life. This is a miserable place to be.

Who in their right mind would want to revisit the pains and traumas of the past and dwell on their sin nature or the evil within? The answer is those who understand that true and lasting growth require a descent into the unknown and miserable parts of self.

Paul pondering the negative side of life (the wiles of the devil - Ephesians 6:11) and he was very familiar with the war within himself that exists in us all (Romans 7:14-23). Psalm 51:6 tells us, "You [God] desire truth in the inner most being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom." Also, in order to follow any scriptural suggestion or command people must know their true self. For example, one cannot take a log out of one's own eye unless he or she is familiar with its existence, its details and how to overcome its influence or life. Finally, salvation does not come to people but by way of seeing their own sin nature and dying to and hating their present life or, to say it differently, descending into misery. In this fashion, the descent is clinically seen as an ascent; that is, the necessary down-path that is part of the up-path required for growth and maturity.

Therapists see hope for stable and permanent change in the ascend into descent.

Christian Counseling - Dr. Keith Ablow's Article on Fox

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/03/01/charlie-sheen-really-telling/

I don't usually listen to psychologists and psychiatrists who appear on television. There is a Faustian bargain that is often made when these professionals move to television. The cost, while not their soul, is often their ethics. However, I have attached a link to an article written by Dr. Keith Ablow, a psychiatrist and contributor to Fox News.

Many people have been watching and reading about the actor Charlie Sheen. In his article, while not diagnosing Mr. Sheen, Dr. Ablow seeks to give some understanding of the situation. In addition, he describes very well what are called psychological defense mechanisms. A word of caution before reading the article. Often when we read about these types of extreme situations, we distance ourselves from the truth of them in our own lives. The question to ask ourselves is not whether or not we display the same level of defense as someone else. Rather, the question is what defenses do we use and what are we attempting to cover up using the defenses. Sometimes we are blind to our own defenses, so it may be helpful to ask those close to you or a therapist to get to the root of the defenses that we use.