Christian Counseling - The Perils of Moving

My family is moving this month. While the move will be good for us, the thought of packing up all of our accumulated "stuff" is difficult to say the least. You see, I hate moving. Yes, hate is a strong word but the appropriate one in this case. In fact, moving either myself or helping others move is one of my least favorite activities somewhere near root canal or being forced to sit through a marathon of the "Saw" movies.

However, this process we are going through is not unlike some people's experience of therapy. In order to move from one house to another, we have to go through the years of belongings often throwing things away that we need to leave behind. The older we are and the longer we have lived in one place, the more work this entails. Even though the destination can be exciting, often we think long and hard about whether we want to go forward. No matter how much we think about it before hand, moving is much more difficult that we first imagined and filled with surprises both good and bad. For younger people who have not accumulated as much in terms of things or relationships, moving can be easier. For my 6-year-old daughter, she is excited to "get on with my new life".

For those of you who have been through therapy, you can probably easily see the parallel. Therapy requires counting the cost of moving forward, going through the many emotional "possessions" we have accumulated over the years, and can be discouraging as we go through the process. As we proceed through therapy, we must always be mindful of the destination that awaits us. While where we are may in some way be comfortable, it is not where we can experience the greatest heights and depths of life. As we embark on our physical move, I wish those of you godspeed who have started an emotional move of your own.

Christian Counseling - Placebo and Nocebo

The Latin meanings for placebo and nocebo are "I will please" and "I will harm," respectively. Numerous studies have shown the significant impact of a placebo (such as a simple sugar pill) which positively effects about 25% of subjects in reducing pain, anxiety, depression, etc.; that is, whatever the person believes will happen.

Similarly, nocebo negatively impacts about 23% of subjects who experience side effects from again, something as benign as a sugar pill. How does the body respond in these ways to a little sugar? Well, I am not sure about the degree to which the body does respond. Measuring physical responses is for future research. What is clear is the mind responds, which is connected to the body. What the mind believes can be the body's reality. Sometimes the body instructs the mind about what it is experiencing and sometimes the mind instructs the body. For example, a person has a night dream of falling, he wakes up fearful and trembling with a heart racing, but on thinking it is only a dream, the negative symptoms come to an end.

The mind is very powerful. Placebo and nocebo could be understood as faith factors. It means that a person has faith in a pill to help or harm, as with any medical procedure, prayer, counselor, book, etc. Faith and outcome are related. It is, therefore, imperative to cultivate a positive outlook and be cautious about engaging in something where doubt and other negative feelings or thoughts exist. In the latter situation, it is important to address one's questions, concerns, fears and uncertainties with others before moving forward in a relationship or with a procedure. For example, in counseling it may seem easier to avoid dealing with a conflict or problem that crops up between a client and therapist. But if faith in treatment and/or the therapist is disturbed, to whatever degree, it is best to work it out with the therapist before a nocebo effect takes place, which can lead to resistance, an impasse or a premature termination. Sometimes, people begin counseling with questions or doubts about whether the process will help or hurt or both. These thoughts should be discussed at the outset of treatment because they can affect its outcome.

Christian Counselng - A Vitamin for Depression

I have attached a link to an article regarding a vitamin linked to Depression. As with all new research, this should be looked at carefully. However, if the findings can be replicated, then this would represent another weapon in the fight against depression.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/06/02/vitamin-that-fights-depression/

Christian Counseling - Drug Addiction or Mental Illness?

Once again into the breach... Much has been written recently about a certain actor's struggles. In the discussion about him, many commentators are discussing whether he is drug addicted or mentally ill. The idea of it being one or the other represents a common misperception.

Drug treatment in the past was focused solely on the drug addiction. Rehabilitation and other forms of treatment dealt with the addiction problem as being the main problem for the individual. However, research has come to show that for people with drug issues, the drug addiction is often only part of the problem. It has been found that drug addiction often presents along with and often as a means of coping with another mental illness. This comorbidity was often left untreated. As a result, many who received drug treatment would fall back into a pattern of addiction once the treatment was completed. One reason for this is that the central issue may have been one of a comorbid mental illness (depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, anxiety, etc.). This does not mean that the mental health issue is the most emergent problem. Sometimes, the drug addiction is the most immediately serious. However, from this point of view, treating the drug addiction without treating the underlying disorder(s), often leads to a recurrent problem with drugs. The main reason for this would be that, as was stated above, the drug addiction has been used as a means of coping with the mental illness. If you take away the drug that has been used to help the person cope, the chances are they will return to the drug again as the core problem has not been addressed.

When the going gets tough, we all run home to mama. Mama can be our actual mother, or it can be food, or gambling, or cocaine. We need to treat the whole person, not just the addiction. The next time you hear the argument that a problem is either an addiction or another disorder, remember that it is likely both.

Christian Counseling - Ascend Into Desent

When is giving assent to ascend into descent a spirited aspiration? When you want to fundamentally change who you are or become like Jesus! For some, the descent (psychological decline into a specific undesirable state) is the opposite direction they wish to travel. They may perceive growth as only a move upward and never downward. But lasting change requires a foundation of self-analysis and insight before embarking on the sturdy path of improvement. Knowing oneself includes a descent into one's sin nature and the wounds of life. This is a miserable place to be.

Who in their right mind would want to revisit the pains and traumas of the past and dwell on their sin nature or the evil within? The answer is those who understand that true and lasting growth require a descent into the unknown and miserable parts of self.

Paul pondering the negative side of life (the wiles of the devil - Ephesians 6:11) and he was very familiar with the war within himself that exists in us all (Romans 7:14-23). Psalm 51:6 tells us, "You [God] desire truth in the inner most being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom." Also, in order to follow any scriptural suggestion or command people must know their true self. For example, one cannot take a log out of one's own eye unless he or she is familiar with its existence, its details and how to overcome its influence or life. Finally, salvation does not come to people but by way of seeing their own sin nature and dying to and hating their present life or, to say it differently, descending into misery. In this fashion, the descent is clinically seen as an ascent; that is, the necessary down-path that is part of the up-path required for growth and maturity.

Therapists see hope for stable and permanent change in the ascend into descent.

Christian Counseling - Dr. Keith Ablow's Article on Fox

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/03/01/charlie-sheen-really-telling/

I don't usually listen to psychologists and psychiatrists who appear on television. There is a Faustian bargain that is often made when these professionals move to television. The cost, while not their soul, is often their ethics. However, I have attached a link to an article written by Dr. Keith Ablow, a psychiatrist and contributor to Fox News.

Many people have been watching and reading about the actor Charlie Sheen. In his article, while not diagnosing Mr. Sheen, Dr. Ablow seeks to give some understanding of the situation. In addition, he describes very well what are called psychological defense mechanisms. A word of caution before reading the article. Often when we read about these types of extreme situations, we distance ourselves from the truth of them in our own lives. The question to ask ourselves is not whether or not we display the same level of defense as someone else. Rather, the question is what defenses do we use and what are we attempting to cover up using the defenses. Sometimes we are blind to our own defenses, so it may be helpful to ask those close to you or a therapist to get to the root of the defenses that we use.

Christian Counseling - Acquiring Wisdom

I recall years ago working with another therapist. He often quoted a saying that invitingly hung in his counseling room--"None of us is as smart as all of us." Not long after, I discovered there is an answer to every question and a solution to every problem. It may not be the perfect one, but there are always possibilities and at least one that will help.

The point of these two thoughts is that when we face life's many problems it is good to engage others in self-revealing discussion and to take time for independent thinking where our minds and God reveal answers and solutions. Although, it is fairly easy to come up with a list of questions and to identify problems, remedies are more elusive. In any event, the saying about who is smarter and there exist answers and solutions to every situation are great beliefs to live by. We don't have to live with many of the troubling things that uninvitedly hang around the room of our minds.

Here are three examples of finding answers or solutions, rather than simply coping with the problems. Having said that, for sure, there are some times and situations where coping or being tolerant is necessary. Discernment helps us decide which approach we take--to cope or search for wisdom and confront. First, most people think that expressing care or love to someone is always a good thing. It sure seems that way on first blush. But there is a line between genuine caring and assuming authority without justification or, said differently, becoming a kibitzer, one who offers unwanted advice, as one way to show love. Further, our caring should align with what the other person perceives as caring and not simply what we, the givers, think or believe. Sometimes we are not the person who should be offering the care because the responsibility belongs to another, such as a husband to a wife and not a third party. Proverbs says it is better not to offer caring advice or truth to a fool. We all need to think through before we engage in acts of caring.

Second, if history or the past is past, meaning it has no relevance to current living, why study or teach it? Why does scripture encourage the remembrance of things past (the Lord's Supper), and why have yearly celebrations (Christmas)? Often people quote Philippians 3:13, "...but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead." They erroneously use this verse to justify not facing their own life history and accompanying problems that complicate present daily living. What Paul chooses to forget is found in verses four through eight. He is not referring to the whole of "the past." These same people say, "The past is past, what can you do about it? You can't change it!" There is plenty one can do to unhook from the pain of the past and live freely in the present, but the question is whether or not a person wants to take ownership of their history and rework it. One of the consequences of avoiding one's past is to ensure lifelong suffering and unnecessary coping. History, the past, is a great educator and a gateway to freedom.

Third, for decades some American politicians and many in the public have desired to establish term limits for some who serve our country--senators, representatives and judges. Yet, it seems highly unlikely it will ever be legislated. So, are we left only with praying, hoping and coping? No! Here is an imperfect, secondary, but potentially effective, solution. If each person determined never to vote for anyone running for office for a third term, and it caught on, we would not need to enact term limit laws. Each individual has the power to establish his or her own law regarding this or any other issue and stand on it. That's integrity.

"None of us is as smart as all of us" and there is an answer to every question and a solution to every problem. Acquire wisdom. 

Christian Counseling - Expressing Emotions

People who regularly express their emotions are, generally speaking, more psychologically healthy. I am not speaking of those who would find themselves on the extreme end of the emotional curve. The people on the extreme end who cannot seem to control the expression of their emotions often are not psychologically healthy. Rather, the average person who expresses their emotions regularly is emotionally healthier than those who do not.

First, in order to express our emotions, we need to be aware of what the emotion we are experiencing is. Correctly identifying the emotion that we are experiencing is half the battle. By identifying the emotion we can avoid self-deceit.

Second, choosing to express the emotion allows our inner experience and our outward behavior to be congruent. Without expression of emotion or with the expression of an opposite emotion, we are at war with ourselves. This type of war does not end well. In addition, when we do not express our emotions to others, they will not be able to respond to us appropriately, which can further allow for hurt in relationships to fester. The festering hurt leads to resentment of the other in that they never seem to meet our needs. This resentment will finally lead to contempt for the other, and, often, an end to relationship.

The first step in this process is to check in with yourself regularly during the day. Ask yourself how you are feeling.? Make a note. If you find your inner experience and outward behavior are not consistent, ask yourself, why not? Next week I will discuss some reasons why our inner and outer experience are not congruent.

Christian Counseling - The Differences and Similarities Between Christian and Secular Counseling

There are major similarities and differences between Christian and secular counseling. The overarching goal of both is to help others identify and resolve personal or corporate problems and enhance their well-being and productivity. Besides some state and church positions, all counselors or therapists are educated with at least a master's degree in the field of psychology or in a related field, such as social work or psychiatry. Also, each counselor operates from their own developed theory about who people are, what they are capable of and what helps them change and heal.

Most clinicians adopt a counseling orientation of someone well-known primarily in the fields of cognitive (changes maladaptive and false ways of thinking), behavior (modifies maladaptive or ineffective patterns of behavior) or psychodynamic (develops self-understanding by making conscious thoughts, feelings and experiences that have been cut off) treatment. There are also eclectic therapists who blend different theories and techniques. Clients should know about a counselor's orientation before making a first appointment.

What makes Christian counseling unique is that counselors have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, receive at least some Bible training, have a positive view of religion, hold spirituality to be about one's relationship with God rather than the secular view of whatever one's values are, incorporate prayer, operate from Judeo-Christian values, believe truth is primarily found in scripture with information from science being helpful, and recognize and make use of the Holy Spirit.

At our center, we primarily provide spiritually-based psychodynamic therapy to our clients, although we also do some cognitive and behavior work as well. Every counselor has a unique set of values and beliefs, which always greatly influence treatment. We believe clients should know and have the right to know what their therapist believes and the values to which he or she subscribes. We are not hesitant about sharing them with first-time callers, during sessions and in our writings. However, you will not find a counselor, or any one for that matter, who believes exactly as you do. Sometimes I don't even agree with myself. For more information, visit our website (cccrd.org) and go to "About CCCRD" where you can read about our faith and philosophy.

It is our firm belief that central to effective counseling and client healing is the idea and practice of "it is the relationship (between client and therapist) that heals." This is why we have put the word "Relationship" in the name of our business and ministry. Most problems people face are the result of past and present relationships gone bad, therefore, it's a new relationship that has the potential to be of significant help.

Christian Counseling - To Pass Or Not To Pass

Among the issues that I deal with in therapy are students in danger of not passing the grade in high school. It is often around this time of year that these problems come to the fore. Often the realization that the teen may not pass is followed by frantic efforts on the part of the school and the parents to work out some arrangement for the student to pass. This effort, while well-meaning, may not be in the best interest of the teen. Yes, it is important that the teen pass the grade. However, it is also important that they learn that their actions have consequences. The teen needs to take responsibility for their own behavior.

We are constantly teaching our children. It is a matter of what we are teaching. There is a distinct possibility that by rescuing them, they may not realize the problems inherent in their behavior, and, thus, may not change going forward. This is an argument that has been made in terms of the government bailing out Wall Street. The danger is that they may repeat the same behaviors going forward and find themselves in a similar situation again and again.

Certainly, there are times when aiding a student in this predicament would be the right thing to do. If the student is repentant rather than oppositional, then helping them through the situation might be the right thing. However, I often find that we as parents are more invested in our children succeeding than they are. If this is the case, then helping can move to enabling. I often ask clients how long they plan to be on the earth. If a person is going to live 80 years on this planet, repeating one year of school or going to summer school is just a blip on the radar screen. If the consequence faced helps them to grow, then the blip would be a lesson well learned.

There is another problem with rescuing children. Not only may they become dependent on help in the future, but they may also be hindered in their development of empathy. There is a growing body of research that shows when teens do not face consequences of their actions, they are less likely to develop empathy. This lack of developed empathy has been cited in a number of cases of athletes who commit crimes, most recently the UVA Lacrosse player accused of murdering his ex-girlfriend.

Finally, there is wonderful scene in the movie "Glory" in which a drill Sergeant is training a less-talented recruit harshly. The Colonel, who is a boyhood friend of the recruit, questions the methods of the Sergeant. The Sergeant confirms with the Colonel the childhood relationship. He then says, "You two grew up together? Let him grow up some more." We are training our children for a tough and sometimes unforgiving world. We need to make certain that we are helping them grow rather than enabling them to stay the same.

Christian Counseling - Therapy Guidelines for Teenagers Part One

If you find yourself considering seeking therapy for your teenager, here are several guidelines to help you with the process. These are guidelines I share with parents who have some concerns about their child.




First, make sure you look at your child from a global perspective. What this means is that you should not focus solely on one area of their life when deciding whether they might need help. Here are some areas to look at:



1. School Performance

2. Emotional Life

3. Family Life

4. Social Life

5. Spiritual Life



By thinking about their life in these areas, you can have a more well-rounded view of your child. If they are having significant difficulty in one area or moderate difficulty in more than one area, it may be a good idea to seek help for them.



When you take your teenager for counseling, there are usually two situations that might arise. First, it is determined that the child would benefit from counselling, but counseling may not be imperative. If this is the case, I usually encourage parents to bring the child for at least one session. If the child decides they want to continue, then therapy continues. If they decide that they do not want therapy, although they might benefit from it, I usually encourage parents not to force their children to go. There may come a time, in the future, that the teenager decides they want to seek therapy. If they have already gone for therapy once, the process of getting them started becomes easier as they have already met a therapist before.



The second situation is one in which it is determined that the teenager needs therapy. In this case, the problems are severe enough that therapy is not an option but an imperative. In this case, I usually tell parents that they need to bring their child for therapy for at least 6 months, whether the child wants to go or not. The parents need to prepare themselves for the teenager's negative response to going to therapy, but still take them anyway. Although the teenager may be oppositional at first, typically, if they come regularly for therapy, they will begin to open up to the therapist. If the parents are not prepared to do this, then the therapy is usually ended prior to the teenager benefiting from it.

Christian Counseling - Smoking and Depression

Recent research has found a link between smoking and depression. Those who smoke tend to be more depressed than non-smoking subjects.

http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/04/14/many-smokers-suffer-from-depression/12846.html

There are several ways to look at this research. One is that there is something about smoking that leads to depression. This is a common perception among those who are against smoking and want the government to set policy banning smoking.

However, another view, which seems closer potentially to the facts of the research is that people who smoke and people who are depressed have something in common. Freud would say that people who smoke potentially are "stuck" in the oral phase of development. The oral phase is when the child seeks gratification and soothing through the mouth. It is also a period when the child has great dependency needs. One could argue that people who smoke are attempting to sooth themselves through smoking. In addition, Freud and other psychodynamic theorists would suggest that people who become depressed have greater dependency needs than others. As a result, they become more Id, or desire driven, in their approach to daily life, seeking immediate gratification for their needs. This way of looking at the link between smoking and depression also then provides an explanation as to why people who are depressed and smoke have greater difficulty quitting smoking.

As more research is done in this area, keep an open mind as the research is correlational in nature. Remember, correlation does not imply causation. In other words, just because the rooster crows and the sun comes up does not mean that the rooster is causing the sun to come up. I will post further thoughts on this area of research as new findings become available.

Christian Counseling - Client or Patient

When someone seeks therapy, the therapist will usually refer to person seeking therapy as their "client". Others refer to the therapy seeker as a "patient". One might think that the choice of words does not matter. However, the language we use to describe ourselves in relationship is important. Think about an adult child calling their mother "mommy". The term mommy brings with it certain images of dependence and has a child-like connotation. When an adult child speaks of their "mom", there is a sense of an adult relationship in the description. However, if the adult child uses the term "mother", their is an image conjured in the mind of distance and formality. So, the words we use to describe our relationships are important.

The term "patient" had been used for many years to describe the relationship of the person seeking therapy to the therapist. However, the word patient brings to mind our experiences with medical doctors. This relationship is more formal. There are many possible ways to view this relationship, but, a typical view is that of seeking advice from an expert or authority figure. Although this view is changing somewhat, many still feel inhibited in terms of disagreeing with their medical doctors.

If the doctor/patient dynamic is carried into a therapy relationship, it could be problematic in many ways. One, the "patient" may expect the therapist to prescribe a solution to their problems. Two, the patient may feel unable to disagree with the therapist. Either way can result in the patient becoming dependent on therapist or even resentful should the therapist's suggestions not prove as fruitful as hoped. In the end, the person in therapy needs to accept personal responsibility for the decisions in their life, even decisions that the therapist may have suggested. It is for these reasons that most therapists prefer the word "client" to describe their relationship with the person in therapy. The word client indicates a more collaborative relationship. As a client, the person may feel more free to disagree with or even reject certain interpretations the therapist might make. Finally, as a client, the person in therapy remains in control and responsible for the course that their life takes. My colleague, Dr. Frank Mancuso, uses a metaphor to describe therapy. He describes therapy as two people in a row boat, except the client is the only one with an oar. The therapist, while sitting in the boat, can offer observations, suggestions, etc. However, ultimately the course of the client's life is up to the client.

Christian Counseling - Regret

We all have regrets. Different choices we wished we made. Paths we did not travel. Relationships in which we did not fully invest. Having regrets is not the problem necessarily. How we deal or manage those regrets is.

Think about the regrets that you have had in your life. When you think about the road not taken, does it end up with you getting hit by a bus? Of course not! When we think about the paths that we wished we had taken, it always ends up with life being better than it is today. However, that life is merely a fantasy. As with all fantasies, the more time we spend in the fantasy world, the less time we have to spend in the actual world trying to make our lives better.

One way of approaching this would be to examine your regrets and the better life you would have if you had chosen that path. Ask yourself, what would actually be better if I had made a different choice? Chances are, those things that would be better are missing from your present day life. Is there a way to make changes in your life today to move you closer to what you imagined in your fantasy? If so, we are all better served by trying to make actual change in our lives today rather than living in fantasy.

Remember, though, that there are times when the real world will never meet the fantasy world. For instance, if you grew up with a terrible mother or father, the regret or wish that you had a different childhood or better parent will not go away. We need to grieve and learn to accept the sometimes terrible experiences that life brings us. However, even in that case, we can examine the difference that having a better childhood would have made in our lives today. Then we can purpose to begin to fill in those gaps.

Christian Counseling - Resistance In Therapy And Life

It has been said by some prominent writers in the field of psychology that the most time consuming and costly part of therapy is client resistance. I would add, it's the most painful part of living. What we resist takes incalculable personal resources. What we fight extends our time in having to deal with those problems and, thereby, increases our pain because we don't accept them. We need to choose our battles by discerning which things to resist and not.

Generally, resistance is a conscious or unconscious defense against change. In treatment, clients resist a therapist's interpretations about what or why things are happening to them and recommendations for recovery and healing. Resistances can be observed in a client's words and/or behaviors. For sure, decisions not to follow a therapist's suggestions is a client right and responsibility. However, when there is a pattern or a frequency of deciding against therapeutic direction it's either an issue of the therapist not being in touch with the client or it's client resistance. Resistance is a red flag. It signals there is something important beyond the defense that needs to be understood. Think about it in this way--a person doesn't build a fort unless there is something valuable to protect. The question is what is being protected?

Resistance is something we all have in varying degrees about different issues. At the root of resistance is fear. People resist an idea or person that is a perceived threat. If it's a real threat it's a good form of resistance (we resist the devil and temptation), but if it's an imaginary threat it's a negative form of resistance (refusing to admit to being angry with God because He'd be angry and chastise us). At the top of the list of things people fear and see as a threat are: change, loss of control, failure, imperfection, overwhelming feelings (anxiety, grief, anger, guilt, etc.), conflict, rejection and not being liked. Some fear good things, like: success, praise, intimacy and being the center of attention.

Psychological resistance is synonymous with spiritual resistance or, as the Bible says it, being stiff-necked or hard of heart. The prophet Jeremiah was sent to the Israelites to point this out in the hope they would turn back to God. But they refused. They consciously resisted Jeremiah, God and change.

People can learn to manage the fear that leads to resistance. Being willing to own one's fear and resistance is the first step. The motivation that assists one in owning them is the deep desire to become more Christlike; to be a better man or woman, husband or wife, parent, coworker, etc. Another step is expecting and allowing brokenness, humbling and trials to be a part of one's life. We don't resist them, but face them, learn what we can and allow ourselves to be transformed by them. We take up the same attitude of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, who admitted His resistance in not wanting to suffer and die, but willingly placed His life in the Father's hands.

We all would love a life without conflict, but that's reserved for the next world, after God establishes a new heaven and earth (Revelation 21). In this world, people can either fight change or do something that strongly goes against the grain of feeling and logic--turn toward and embrace our resistances and welcome the process of change. Such is required for healing.

Christian Counseling - Catharsis: Use and Misuse

Catharsis refers to the release of emotions that have been pent-up. It comes from the Greek meaning to purge. Most people believe the expression of strong emotions is healthy and a necessary part of healing. However, in the last few years there have been contrary statements about the harm of expressing anger.

Studies, such as Bushman, et. al. (1), suggested people who are encouraged to release their anger or hostility (catharsis) became more aggressive than people who don't express their feelings. These studies led some in the general public and a number of clinicians to discourage emotional expression of anger and hostility. However, it appears more likely that the problem was not the feeling and expression of anger, but the absence of moral and relational principles to guide the manner of expression and what to do after expression. In other words, the subjects didn't seem to have any guidance about healthy emotional expression and lacked the necessary tools, such as forgiveness and reconciliation, to help them finish what they started.

Another problem with this particular study is the Grand Canyon leap from the idea that catharsis doesn't reduce angry, aggressive emotions to concluding that expression can be harmful and should be avoided because it begets more aggression. Their underlying belief associated with that idea is that catharsis alone is supposed to provide resolution. The truth is it can provide temporary relief from the burden of strong, troubling feelings and help people learn to express themselves, but it's not meant to be the end-all technique of resolve.

Catharsis is meant to be a stepping stone toward healing and change. It is only one leg of journey; one tool in the toolbox. It leads to self-discovery, which lends to motivation and direction. Expressed emotions are meant to assist conflicted people in working out the problems. Indeed, there is a period of time during cathartic discharge when there is an increase in felt emotions.

Most clinicians know that unpacking any emotion will heighten a client's awareness and experience of that feeling. Moving beyond a person's defenses in therapy will surely increase the felt strength of whatever emotions are being addressed, such as: anger, depression, and anxiety. This is normal, expected and often beneficial provided the person continues to process the feelings and associated memories, and not stop at catharsis.

The goal is not just the release of emotions, as the research studied, but to use the power and energy generated from the cathartic experience to take appropriate action. It's the latter action, such as having an appropriate conversation with an offender, that helps bring a final and more complete release of emotions and the opportunity for relational resolution. And that resolution is dependent upon being guided by moral principles and good relational conduct.


(1) Bushman, Brad J.; Baumeister, Roy F.; and Stack, Angela I. (1999). Catharsis, aggression, and Persuasive Influence: Self-Fulfilling or Self-Defeating Prophecies? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Vol. 76(3), 367-376.

Christian Counseling - Generational Change

Consider a man who is having difficulty in his marriage and with his children. As a result of being on the verge of divorce, he embarks on a therapeutic relationship. He first begins therapy at the request of his wife. Actually, it is likely more of a demand than a request. You see, being a father and husband has not come naturally to him because he never had a healthy example of a loving father and husband in his own home as a child. At first, he engages in therapy to simply avert disaster in his marriage. He tries to deal simply with behaviors that would fix the problems as quickly as possible. As therapy progresses, he begins to deal with the darkness that is his own heart and starts the process of deep healing. Rather than simply behavioral change, he is changing his heart. This is a long and often painful emotional process. Yet, the man perseveres through the pain. Through the commitment to therapy, he finds that his marriage has improved, and he has grown as a man.

The above-described change would be enough to make the pain and cost of therapy worthwhile. Yet, that is not the only hope that therapy provides. Some of the benefits of therapy the man may never see with human eyes. This is the generational change that can happen as the result of someone facing their issues.

One of my favorite books in the Bible is the book of Ruth. For one, it is one of the only books that focuses on a woman and the incredible impact that a faithful woman can have. I also love the end. I always enjoy the end of movies when they tell you what happens to the characters in the future, and Ruth ends the same way. (Spoiler Alert). If you have never read the book of Ruth, go read it now before you continue reading this. What is amazing is that at the end of this book that in large part is about simple acts of faithfulness, we see the ultimate payoff. Ruth is part of the Davidic lineage and, as such, part of the lineage of Christ. How about that for generational impact!

The generational change for the man in our story? As a result of the difficult work that he has done to be a better husband and father, his children may never have to experience the pain that he has. You see, they will have a good example of a father and husband in their childhood home. In addition, they will see the courage of someone who was willing to lay down their pride and face themselves. This change does not necessarily end there, but can go on for generations.

Many of you can probably point to a change like this in your family. Whether it was the first person to go to college or the first person to accept Christ, these people in our families open a door of possibilities for all who follow.

If you are thinking about therapy and the process of change, but are hesitant, think about the possible growth that can happen in your life today and the lives of future generations. If you are in therapy and going through a particularly painful time of self-discovery, keep you eyes on the prize and know that the courage and faithfulness you show today will echo through generations.

Christian Counseling - Successful Treatment Outcome: One Essential Characteristic

There are many characteristics that effect treatment outcome and only a few which are essential, such as a therapist's experience and competence or a client's motivation and participation. But the one research supported characteristic having the greatest impact on outcome is the therapeutic alliance--the relationship or goodness of fit between client and therapist. About a third of change happens as a result of the alliance.

A common belief of many therapists is that "It is the relationship which heals." It is not the therapist's knowledge or experience, though they are important, that best guarantees treatment success, but the quality of relationship between a client and therapist.

What comprises a good therapeutic alliance? It is a complex issue. Because people are different, so is what a client desires or needs to establish a connection with a therapist. For example, is alliance based on logical parameters (agreeing to and working on a set of goals) or a feeling of attachment? Ideally, it should be both. Some therapist characteristics that build alliance include: trust, collaboration, respect, caring, genuineness, empathy, acceptance and nonjudgmental attitude. The client/therapist relationship is enhanced when these characteristics belong to both parties, not just the therapist.

Evaluating the therapeutic alliance is critical when choosing a therapist. Of course, the only way you can properly determine that is to see him or her for a session or two. If a person has not established a fair amount of alliance by the fifth session, he or she should talk with the therapist and seek resolution. If it's not resolved, the person may be better off looking for another therapist. An exception to this would be if a client has significant difficulty in trusting and attaching to others. In this case, it may take months or, for some, years to establish a therapeutic alliance. Progress can still be made without much alliance, but it will be limited or slow going until the alliance is formed. Then again, for these people, perhaps the overarching goal of treatment might be or should be understanding and developing relational attachments.

Christian Counseling - How Long Does Therapy Take?

Every person entering treatment has a desire or some sense of how long therapy should last. This is somewhat dependent upon what they believe it is all about. Those who think of counseling as a professional passing along logical information will probably think it should only take a few sessions. Those who view human life as simple and easily changeable will also think a few sessions will do the trick. And those who see life as complex, problems as years in the making, and change coming only by much time and effort will likely hold a view that treatment will last a year, or two, or longer. People who have attempted to change a thought, feeling or behavior that has existed in their lives for many years know there is no quick fix.

Medical science is more of a hard science, therefore, a doctor can prescribe a specific round of meds for a specific time with success. However, the science and spirituality of counseling is soft. Therefore, we do not possess the same ability to prescribe services for a very specific period of time. The exception would be an educational format (providing instruction) or perhaps the treatment of a simple issue (phobia) where cognitive/behavioral therapy is applied.


There are many other reasons for the indeterminate length of counseling. Things like:


1. The number and type of treatment goals.
2. The length of time the disorder has existed.
3. The type, number and rigidity of defense mechanisms.
4. The client's ability to trust.
5. The client's motivation to explore the issues and complete assignments.
6. The client's sense of personal power and need to be in control.
7. The complexity of a client's personality.
8. The client's ability for insight.
9. The severity of trauma.

10. The age at which trauma began.

11. The client's courage to face one's pain and stay with it until it is resolved.


Change in counseling is like the change in becoming Christ-like, in terms of time. We will spend our lives working toward improvement and working on our sin nature, without ever finishing. Therefore, the overarching counseling goal is not 100% recovery, having the marriage you always dreamed about, or being free of all sin, but achieving a 60% to 70% improvement with regard to agreed upon personal goals. This is realistic. When a client passes this marker and there is mutual confidence he or she will be able to maintain and make continued improvement on his or her own, then the person is ready to discuss termination.

How long does it take to complete counseling? There is no concrete answer. However, to define this as best as one can, we at CCCRD take an in depth history of each client toward the beginning of counseling. The results are used to formulate a treatment plan that is based on a client's personality and how past experiences impacted his or her development and influence present problems. The therapist's experience in working with other similar issues and personalities gives him or her an idea of how long treatment is expected to take. It can be longer or shorter, depending on factors, such as future conflicts or new information gathered from further exploration in treatment.

When counseling is said to take a year or more, it may be helpful to think about it in light of the thoughts previously presented, and the following one. One year of weekly sessions is equivalent to less than one 40-hour work week. This one week of treatment is stretched out over the course of one year and, therefore, seems like a long time. All things considered, one full week of attending to oneself is not much time in which to make significant and long-lasting change.

Christian Counseling - The Benefit of Long-term Psychodynamic Therapy

At CCCRD we offer psychodynamic or insight-oriented therapy. It goes beyond attempting to change faulty thinking (cognitive therapy) and a person's actions (behavioral) to changing the heart. This approach seeks to understand the "whys" of peoples' thoughts, feelings and behaviors. By gaining insight into the unconscious and how one's unique history effects a significant influence on life in the here and now, the therapist and client have critical information necessary for long-lasting change. This, in the context of spiritual understanding and God's help, is a force to be reckoned with.

In October 2008, Richard Glass published, "Psychodynamic Psychotherapy and Research Evidence: Bambie Survives Godzilla," in The Journal of the American Medical Association. The meta-analysis (a research technique integrating multiple study results into a single result) looked at 23 studies which evaluated the effectiveness of psychodynamic therapy lasting more than one year. The results showed that long-term psychodynamic therapy to significantly be of greater and lasting benefit to those with complex problems than short-term therapies.

As with any study, there are limitations, such as the small number of studies evaluated. But, because of the complexity and cost of psychodynamic research studies, there aren't many to date. On the other hand, these early results are encouraging to those who use this approach and to clients receiving this type of therapy.

For those who desire to change a specific and uncomplicated behavior, like a phobia, short-term cognitive and/or behavioral therapy can be sufficient. The same can be true for those who simply want therapy to help them feel better. For complicated problems and those seeking heart change ("truth in the innermost being and in the hidden part...[to] know wisdom," [Psalm 51:6]), insight-oriented therapy is the treatment of choice.