Christian Counseling - The Gray World of Depression

Many people have claimed that the world seems flat in color or even gray when they are depressed. It turns out there is a biological basis for that experience.

Forty people diagnosed with major depression (twenty of which were on antidepressant meds) and 40 nondepressed people viewed a checkerboard pattern of differing variations of black and while. Electrodes recorded retina cells' activation, which react differently to light and dark images and, therefore, send different messages to the brain. The results showed that depressed people, on medication or not, were significantly less able to detect contrast differences between light and dark. The more depressed the individual the less contrast was detected by the brain.1

This is one more in a long list of depression effects. Imagine permanently wearing sunglasses that only let you see minimal contrasts of black and white and limited color, day after day. We know how many people  feel when the weather is cloudy and rainy for long periods of time. It feels depressing in a world were color has been minimized or lost after having experienced it. It may be that impaired contrast perception adds to the experience of depression, which adds to impaired perception, in a grave cycle of negative influence.

Because of the severity of health concerns for those who are moderately to severely depressed, treatment is a necessary option. Research supports a combination of medication, counseling and exercise to be of help over a single treatment regimen.

In my experience, a lack of faith, which some Christians claim to be the root cause, is very rarely the problem and only seems to occur when depression is accompanied by a crisis of faith, such as when one's image of God doesn't meet with the reality of experience over an important issue.

What has helped you or loved ones to manage depression?


1 Miller, Michael Craig, M.D. Harvard Mental Health Newsletter. How depression may alter visual perception. November 2010: Vol 27, No. 5, p. 7. 

Christian Counseling - A Love That Changes Everything

Forever there will be writers and speakers telling of the almost unending things a couple can do to rekindle love, romance and sexuality. Sometimes it only takes a spark to ignite the flame, but more often it is only a flash in the pan experience. One key to having a lasting effect is a person's thoughts need to be seated in a reality that permits the feelings to join in. Humanly speaking, there is no greater motivator than feelings. Without them, most will cease behaving in ways the mind and its commitments esteem. If a person thinks he or she simply needs to suck it up, endure negative feelings and do what's right, it is unlikely that any good, reinforcing feelings will follow. That attitude is one of legalism that lacks a good motive, is short-lived and often expects the other to change or reciprocate. Perhaps worse yet, are others who wait for their feelings to shift or change first in order to move toward a relationship. This waiting is futile. So, what's the answer?

For us as imperfect humans the answer is also imperfect, but it has considerable power and hope--unconditional love! You may ask, "Isn't that the same as what you previously cautioned against--acting lovingly without feeling, which is legalistic?" Here's the difference. The attitude and thinking aren't the same. Let me redefine unconditional love. Scripture refers to it as agape (a Greek word) love--the unmatched, higher state of love that is a decisional process, separate from feeling love (that's phileo-Greek for affection). Unconditional love is birthed when a person resolutely decides to care for the welfare of another without any conditions or getting something in return. The person is free from want and self to give to another as an act of grace, not a legalistic "have to" or "should."

This is how God loves. When we act in similar manner we begin to be enlightened and profoundly moved by the experience. We then know first hand how God loves us, it becomes personal. His love is based on who we are, not what we do. We exist, He commits and we are forever loved and His emotions follow suit. We are significantly changed by the experience of giving unconditional love, which is founded on the attitude that the giving is for life, regardless of what happens in the relationship, even if the other should abandon it. We many not give that love to the other because he or she ended the relationship, but the willingness and some of the desire to do so never comes to an end. Unconditional love is eternal, not temporary or based on experience or the attitude or behavior of the receiver.

Agape love provides a surprising sense of being emotionally protected in giving. It's givers are considerably free from fear of being hurt. Not that they won't be, but it will not crush them. There exists a spiritual dimension in us that knows God has experienced the hurt, knows it full well and comes along side of us that altogether limit the effects of pain and loss. This happens in part because about one-half of all pain is about being alone in our pain, which ends with God being with us and for us. When we surrender to loving as God loves (the best we can) a rich storehouse of pleasurable emotions join the mind and together send us on the ride of a lifetime. Good feelings of love, self-respect and freedom pave the way for continued loving action, but this love is not dependent on emotions for its actions.

Most recipients of this love are drawn by the irresistible attraction of unconditional acceptance and caring that is independent of their flaws and imperfect lives. There are very few who are not awakened, changed and freed by such a love. Think for yourself, isn't this love something you desire? It exists in all of us.

Christian Counseling - Acquiring Wisdom

I recall years ago working with another therapist. He often quoted a saying that invitingly hung in his counseling room--"None of us is as smart as all of us." Not long after, I discovered there is an answer to every question and a solution to every problem. It may not be the perfect one, but there are always possibilities and at least one that will help.

The point of these two thoughts is that when we face life's many problems it is good to engage others in self-revealing discussion and to take time for independent thinking where our minds and God reveal answers and solutions. Although, it is fairly easy to come up with a list of questions and to identify problems, remedies are more elusive. In any event, the saying about who is smarter and there exist answers and solutions to every situation are great beliefs to live by. We don't have to live with many of the troubling things that uninvitedly hang around the room of our minds.

Here are three examples of finding answers or solutions, rather than simply coping with the problems. Having said that, for sure, there are some times and situations where coping or being tolerant is necessary. Discernment helps us decide which approach we take--to cope or search for wisdom and confront. First, most people think that expressing care or love to someone is always a good thing. It sure seems that way on first blush. But there is a line between genuine caring and assuming authority without justification or, said differently, becoming a kibitzer, one who offers unwanted advice, as one way to show love. Further, our caring should align with what the other person perceives as caring and not simply what we, the givers, think or believe. Sometimes we are not the person who should be offering the care because the responsibility belongs to another, such as a husband to a wife and not a third party. Proverbs says it is better not to offer caring advice or truth to a fool. We all need to think through before we engage in acts of caring.

Second, if history or the past is past, meaning it has no relevance to current living, why study or teach it? Why does scripture encourage the remembrance of things past (the Lord's Supper), and why have yearly celebrations (Christmas)? Often people quote Philippians 3:13, "...but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead." They erroneously use this verse to justify not facing their own life history and accompanying problems that complicate present daily living. What Paul chooses to forget is found in verses four through eight. He is not referring to the whole of "the past." These same people say, "The past is past, what can you do about it? You can't change it!" There is plenty one can do to unhook from the pain of the past and live freely in the present, but the question is whether or not a person wants to take ownership of their history and rework it. One of the consequences of avoiding one's past is to ensure lifelong suffering and unnecessary coping. History, the past, is a great educator and a gateway to freedom.

Third, for decades some American politicians and many in the public have desired to establish term limits for some who serve our country--senators, representatives and judges. Yet, it seems highly unlikely it will ever be legislated. So, are we left only with praying, hoping and coping? No! Here is an imperfect, secondary, but potentially effective, solution. If each person determined never to vote for anyone running for office for a third term, and it caught on, we would not need to enact term limit laws. Each individual has the power to establish his or her own law regarding this or any other issue and stand on it. That's integrity.

"None of us is as smart as all of us" and there is an answer to every question and a solution to every problem. Acquire wisdom.