Christian Counseling - Good Fear, Bad Fear

Fear is a universal emotion and necessary for survival. We don't blindly cross a street without looking because we are afraid of being struck by a car. After the flood, God put the fear of people in animals, who previously knew no such fear (Genesis 9:2. I believe this was to preserve the animals from again being corrupted by people or becoming extinct). Good fear is essential in an evil world. But there is also an unreasonable and wrong kind of fear--when people fear others to such a degree they lose their integrity and their moral compass spins out of control.

Many people learn to be afraid of others' power who use it to intimidate through such things as: anger, rejection, withholding love or money...you name it. Almost anything can be used to bring people to say and do things they thought they would never say or do. Saul lost his position of being King of Israel because, "'...I was afraid of the people, so I gave in to them"' (I Samuel 15:24). His fear led to disobedience. We all are tempted to give in to others in a moment of weakness, or to keep the peace by avoiding conflict. Sometimes people fool themselves in thinking that peace will always cause the wicked to yield or that peace is never achieved by way of a righteous fight. Too a large degree, assertiveness has been abandoned by Christians and replaced by fear.

It is not difficult for others to figure out what form of manipulation they need to employ that will result in a person's folding and following their lead. It is not difficult to see some of the consequences of such action--lower self-esteem, poor self-image, relationships without boundaries, stuffing feelings, difficulty in forgiving others, unresolved and internalized anger (which significantly increases heart disease)...shall I continue? One other consequence is displeasing God by giving in to the temptation of apostasy. It happens when people violate faith and conscience because they are too afraid to do what they know is right.

Fear is also a trap. Proverbs 29:25 says the "Fear of man will prove to be a snare" (in the Greek snare refers to a noose used to catch animals). God says to Isaiah (35:4), "say to those with fearful hearts, 'be strong, do not fear.'" God's message is "be courageous." Acting courageously in spite of fearful feelings helps a person overcome them through learned confidence, which reduces the strength of fear. Remember, courage is lost in doubt and indecision. But courage is found in one's faith or believing that doing the right thing will bring about something good, either now or later. It is the practice of courage that defeats fear. And also know that God is always with you.

Christian Counseling - The Hard Realities of Cell Phone Use and Driving

One-third of all nationwide traffic accidents are the result of cell phone use while driving. If that is not sobering enough, consider that cell phone use and driving is similar to drinking and driving regarding impairment of attention. Perhaps surprising to some is hands-free cell phones are just as distracting as hand-held. Add to those research outcomes another study that showed people cannot really multitask, despite what they think. In reality, the brain focuses on one primary activity at a time. Phone talk results in a decreased ability to perceive and process external information, such as traffic. The studies also showed that drivers' patterns of speech are different when they are talking on the phone and when talking with a passenger. Perhaps because the passenger can see what's happening with the traffic it seems permissible for drivers to temporarily slow down their speech or temporarily terminate it to respond to traffic.1 

If the trend of research continues to move in a similar direction, it seems inevitable that in the not too distant future most states will pass laws prohibiting phone talk while driving. The question is, Why wait? If one believes the mounting evidence, why put oneself, loved ones and even strangers at risk? That is, unless a person thinks he or she is the exception--can multitask and an accident won't happen to him. Or perhaps a person feels she can't stop herself (one way to describe addiction).

What do you think? Are you willing to volunteer and join the 20% of people who do not phone talk and drive? I just did.


1. Miller, Michael Craig, M.D. Harvard Mental Health Newsletter. Why Cell Phone Conversations Distract Drivers. September, 2010: Vol. 27, No. 3, p. 7.

Christian Counseling - Planning vs. Trusting God

Do we, should we plan for our future or simply let go and trust God to provide for the outcome of things, such as: health, finances, relational or personal problems, purchases, decisions, the direction of the country, etc? There are those that advocate one over the other, even to exclusivity.

Most of us have heard stories having positive or negative outcomes of people whose decision to follow only faith caused them to stop or refuse medical help, not plan for retirement, reject the help of friends and others, not have a budget, and avoid politics, even voting. They believe God's will will be done anyway, despite their efforts, and that He knows best. Some believe that depending on other people for anything reveals a weak and limited faith that is displeasing to God.

I have heard in non-counseling conversation about those who stopped critically needed medications because they believed their faith alone should carry them, but who, subsequently died. I learned that family members who supported or encouraged their lethal decision believed it was God's will the person die because they did. And that all life and death is in the hands of God. I suppose they didn't have the foggiest understanding of human defense mechanisms, like rationalization. These avoidable tragedies occurred also because the people didn't have the full picture about who's responsible for life and death, which is God and us. But that's a subject for another time.

Plan, trust, take things into your own hands, have faith...it can be confusing to anyone, especially new believers. For some, any way of making important decisions easier is considered, and faith is an easier path. I have no doubt there are some in the camp of "faith only" who want to avoid responsibility, fear being imperfect and making mistakes and find it difficult to take on adulthood. I wonder what they do with scripture verses that highlight their individual responsibility and required effort, such as Proverbs--get understanding, knowledge, wisdom and it will add years to your life? Or James who says that faith without works is useless and dead?

In the end, we are all called to exercise faith, which leads to works, which is the evidence of faith's existence. If we do not do our part in this life, we cannot claim to have faith. To say it differently, we plan for everything as if it is only our responsibility and trust God to intervene, guide and do the good we know He desires to do for everyone, especially those of faith. Depending on God without our due diligence and first securing wisdom can lead to tragedy unintended by God.